


what if i lose it all

by hollyhobbit101



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Infinity War spoilers, POV Second Person, POV Thor (Marvel), Past Character Death, mention of events in ragnarok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14637012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhobbit101/pseuds/hollyhobbit101
Summary: You've lost your brother once before, left his body on the cold rock of a dead planet. That felt more real than this time, you think.orthor grieves





	what if i lose it all

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as soon as I got back from watching Infinity War and I am super proud of how it turned out. I hope you guys enjoy it, too!
> 
> Title from Hey Brother by Avicii

You’ve lost your brother once before, left his body on the cold rock of a dead planet. That felt more real than this time, you think, although you’re not sure why. Perhaps _because_ of last time.

.

If you imagine hard enough, you can see Asgard. You’re able to walk across the Bifrost once more, your hammer swinging in your grasp. Loki is there in his guise as your father - except he’s not. Odin smiles and greets you as his son, your mother standing warmly by his side. Loki smirks at you, proud, no longer cast out or in chains.

 _But_ , you remind yourself. _It is all gone now_. These are the foolish dreamings of a man who once had everything, and now has nothing at all.

.

Perhaps what is not quite so real about this is _how_. Your mother died as she lived - fighting, protecting. Your father blew away in an orange glow of peace and warmth and love. Loki was just gone, his life choked out like it meant nothing. You think there must be some trick to it because this is Loki - this is _your brother_ \- only you know there isn’t. His final trick was the knife he must have known would not be enough, and his undying loyalty.

(You did not realise then that the trick was the undying, and not the loyalty)

(Loki, despite his tricks, was always loyal)

.

You cannot find it in your heart to be angry at your brother for stealing the Tesseract. Loki had always been in search of his own light to chase away your shadows.

 _I assure you, brother, the sun will shine on us again_.

You had not believed him, then. You cannot, still.

.

You have lost your brother too many times to count; to Thanos, to the dark elves, to himself. You always felt his loss, but Loki always came back. Perhaps, then, that is why this time is not like the last. Loki will not come back.

It sinks in too slowly that you will never see your brother again. You can still feel the touch of his not yet cold body under your fingertips before that, too, was ripped away from you.

.

On Sakaar, you told yourself - told Loki - that you could live without him. You even believed it, for a time. You only see the lie for what it was now that you are forced to live it, and suddenly you understand.

This is the way it would always be with Loki. With lies and tricks and games, until the very end, when you can see the love he always kept hidden shining in his eyes, when he chooses the sacrifice over the gain.

Loki dies.

You, Thor, survive.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


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